Murder of UVA lacrosse student intimate partner violence, not “quarrel gone bad”

The following is an op-ed written by Ellen Allen, the Director of the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program in Charleston, W.Va. If you are a victim of intimate partner or dating violence, please call the local 24-hour domestic violence crisis line for Kanawha, Clay and Boone counties 1-800-681-8663 or the national domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

He came from generations of wealth, educated at an exclusive boys school. He was all-everything: an all-American lacrosse player and the starting quarterback at his high school. She was the daughter of an investor, educated at a private girls prep school. She was a math nerd who volunteered at a soup kitchen and counseled kids from housing projects at a summer camp. They both ended up at the University of Virginia, playing on champion lacrosse teams in a league that gave its players the respect and deference typically reserved for final four basketball teams.

Yet during the early morning hours of Monday, May 3, the privilege of class and wealth no longer served as Yeardley Love’s protector. George Huguely V kicked down her bedroom door and, according to his account, grabbed her and shook her head, slamming it repeatedly into the wall. He then seized her computer, where it is believed she read his threatening and angry e-mails. Police found her dead, face down on her pillow in a pool of her own blood.

This wasn’t his first episode of violence against a woman. In November 2008, he received a suspended sentence after a drunken scuffle with a Virginia patrolwoman. Officer R.L. Moff recounted his use of racial and sexual slurs and other vulgar terms. He also threatened to kill her or anyone attempting to take him to jail.

What I find most troubling about media reports of this incident are the diluted tones of the headlines. The Washington Post referred to it as the “Virginia lacrosse tragedy.” A local paper’s headline read: “Students’ quarrel turned violent, then deadly.” Some media outlets reported the story as a sports feature, and individuals like myself who don’t give the sports page a second glance would have easily missed it. It was not widely reported as a case of dating violence and stalking – a violent attack against a woman, where the perpetrator was asserting power and control over his victim.

We know domestic violence, stalking, intimate partner violence, and violence against women is not relegated to the projects and neighborhoods replete with subsidized housing. It crosses all socio-economic strata. One may wonder, however, if this type of incident had occurred at a state university in an impoverished region of the country between an African American football player and a white softball player, would it have ended up on the sports page, the front page? Or no page at all?

What the reports often fail to mention is this: According to Justice Department figures, three women are murdered every day in the U.S. by their intimate partners. Eighty-five percent of intimate partner violence is perpetrated against women (overwhelmingly against women ages 20 - 24). Four out of five stalking victims are women, and 50% of the victims are between the ages of 18 and 27.

While the details of this incident make it the story seem atypical – a varsity lacrosse player at a prestigious school allegedly killed by her lacrosse player ex-boyfriend – statistically, it fits the fateful pattern. Violent and controlling behavior often begins early on in teen dating relationships, where one in three teens report having a friend who has been hit, kicked, slapped, or punched by a dating partner. However 81% of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue – an equally shocking statistic.

This incident was not a “deadly quarrel.” It was not an “altercation.” This verbiage only minimizes the life of the victim and the violence she endured. It was a case of stalking by a jilted partner that could not accept that she no longer wanted to see him. It was much more than an anger issue – it was about power and control.

Let’s call it what it is and hold it up for others to see in full light. Intimate partner violence and stalking are not “quarrels gone bad.” They are violent acts of often learned behavior perpetrated to assert power and control over one’s partner. The use of such insubstantial language in crucial life-or-death matters such as this denies the victim the justice she or he deserves. When will we, as a society, demand complete and appropriate attention to this gravely prevalent issue? I say we start today.

"The Choice" - Poem by a domestic violence victim's father

As National Domestic Violence Awareness Month draws to a close, we would like to illuminate an often overlooked aspect of domestic violence: the perspective of parents who see first hand the devastating effects domestic violence has on their children and grandchildren. The following is a personal testimony and poem submitted to the YWCA Resolve Program by Philip Jarrett - a caring father whose life has been changed by violence in his daughter's life.


Philip Jarrett: "My situation is shared by many. I have a daughter who is in an abusive relationship. I have five grandchildren watching their mother and father in violent, physical confrontations and learning that this is normal behavior for a man and a wife - that you're either the one giving the beating or you're the one getting beaten. I didn't know what to do. I really believed the best thing to do was to go along silently. Being a pacifist means I take violence out of my repertoire of reactions. It doesn't mean that I can't fight back in my own way. And the first step was naming what it was and what my daughter's abuser was aloud. I told him he was an abuser and a user."

"It's especially hard on a man in our culture of violence and vengeance under the guise of protection and love. I listen to people…men and women…on a bus talking about how they would beat up or kill someone over some minor offense to their worn out and unjustified pride. I watch movies that show victims of abuse learning to fight back, whicn can even end in the murder of their abuser. The wrongness and futility of using violence against violence both saddens and angers me."

"It has been difficult for me, as a man, to learn the only thing I can give my daughter, the best thing I can give her, is the choice to make her own decisions. So, as odd as it may seem, I am offering this poem for your use...or the use of any domestic violence group anywhere...in the hopes that other men who are faced with this nightmare I am living can be taught that violence from one man cannot be solved by violence from another."


the choice by Philip Jarrett

if i could catch you like a dark firefly
and hold you in my hand
prick my thumb with your mosquito’s tongue
till your eyes glowed bright again
then i would think my life completed
that i had finally done my part
and as my soul depleted
give my blood, not just my heart

but you are not an insect
to spare or slay with a swatter
and i am not so perfect
yet i claim you as my daughter
and life is not so gentle
and fate is never kind
and the price of love parental
is to give up love that’s blind

so i sit in stony silence
as befits a man who’s died
watch you suffer another’s violence
bear the bruises of false pride
i scream behind lips tightly stitched
burning bile has stole my voice
knowing you, alone, must come un-bewitched
and the best i have to offer you
is the choice

Copyright 2009 by Philip Jarrett

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

As our president so poignantly stated in his official proclamation last week, October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month - a month to recommit ourselves to ending violence within our homes, our communities, and our country. An excerpt of his proclamation can be read below:

"Domestic violence touches the lives of Americans of all ages, leaving a devastating impact on women, men, and children of every background and circumstance. A family's home becomes a place of fear, hopelessness, and desperation when a woman is battered by her partner, a child witnesses the abuse of a loved one, or a senior is victimized by family members. Since the 1994 passage of the landmark Violence Against Women Act, championed by then Senator Joe Biden, our Nation has strengthened its response to this crime and increased services for victims. Still, far too many women and families in this country and around the world are affected by domestic violence. During National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we recommit ourselves to ending violence within our homes, our communities, and our country."

"During this month, we rededicate ourselves to breaking the cycle of violence. By providing young people with education about healthy relationships, and by changing attitudes that support violence, we recognize that domestic violence can be prevented. We must build the capacity of our Nation's victim service providers to reach and serve those in need. We urge community leaders to raise awareness and bring attention to this quiet crisis. And across America, we encourage victims and their families to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. Together, we must ensure that, in America, no victim of domestic violence ever struggles alone."

The YWCA of Charleston echos President Obama's sentiments and encourages you to get involved and show your support of Domestic Violence Awareness Month in and around the greater Kanawha Valley. Our October calendar highlights domestic violence awareness activities occurring in our area throughout the month. We also encourage you to participate in the West Virginia Coalition Against Domestic Violence's (WVCADV) “Light In the Window” public awareness campaign and display a purple candle in your window this month to show support for survivors of domestic violence. Purple electric candles can be obtained by calling the YWCA Resolve Program at (304) 340-3573 or the WVCADV at (304) 965-3552.

With Domestic Violence Awareness Month in mind, please consider that:

• A domestic violence homicide occurs once every 8 days in West Virginia.
• Domestic violence is the single greatest cause of injury to women in the United States – more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
• Homicide is the leading cause of death for pregnant women in the United States.
• 1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused during her lifetime.
• 40% of teen girls ages 14-17 know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
• Domestic violence costs the U.S. economy $3 to $5 billion annually in job absenteeism, and another $100 million annually in medical expenses.
• Gay and bisexual men experience abuse in intimate partner relationships at a rate of 2 in 5 – comparable to the amount experienced by heterosexual women.
• Approximately 50% of the lesbian population has experienced or will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes.
• While 73% of domestic violence victims are female, domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender.

Be more than aware. Help us end domestic violence in our homes, our communities and our country.

WVIDA Program Launch - A new resource for domestic violence victims

Tomorrow morning marks the launch of an initiative that could change the lives of countless domestic violence victims and their families in West Virginia: the West Virginia IDA (WVIDA) savings match program. Both the media and the general public are invited to join us tomorrow (Thursday, October 1) at 10:00 am at BB&T Bank on Summers Street (6th floor dining room) to celebrate this groundbreaking opportunity to economically empower domestic violence victims in our state. Below we've answered some frequently asked questions about this new WVIDA initiative, as well as how it relates to our mission and programs.

What is an IDA savings match?
Individual Development Accounts (IDAs) are special matched savings accounts designed to help families and individuals of modest means establish a pattern of regular saving and ultimately purchase a productive asset – something of value that is likely to return substantial long-term benefits to its owner, like security, stability and opportunities for more income. A savings match is a promise to supplement a WVIDA participant’s savings deposits at a specific rate. For example, a 3:1 savings match means that for every dollar a WVIDA participant saves, he or she will have another $3 added to his or her total account balance.

What does an IDA have to do with domestic violence?
Economic abuse is a tactic commonly used by abusers to control their victims' finances and prevent them from leaving the relationship. Many people associate domestic violence with physical attacks, but damage to your credit score and being cut off from access to money create lasting scars that make it hard, if not impossible, for abuse victims to recover. Many victims stay in abusive relationships due to lack of resources to stand on their own two feet.

How does the WVIDA program fit into YWCA Resolve’s services?
The YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program is the pilot domestic violence agency in the state to launch this initiative. Our ability to offer the WVIDA savings match to qualified program participants is a valuable tool in our overall Keys to Financial Freedom financial literacy program, which enable domestic violence survivors to fully understand their financial circumstances and how to engage in short-term and long-term financial planning to accomplish their personal goals.

What can the WVIDA savings match be used toward?
The WVIDA savings match can specifically be used for the following productive assets: homeownership, home repair, small business development, and post secondary education.

Is there more to the WVIDA program than just savings matches?
Absolutely. Most people need more than just cash to become economically independent. For this reason, WVIDA participants must attend both a 10-part personal finance and money management workshop series, and a special asset-specific preparation program. These workshops are designed to help participants acquire or polish personal and financial skills that are essential for long-term success – skills like long-range planning, household budgeting, credit repair and savvy consumer habits.

What is required of IDA participants?
IDA participants are asked to commit to make monthly savings deposits of at least $25 for at least 12 months, attend a personal finance and money management workshop series, participate in asset-specific ownership preparation training (homeownership and business plan development) and support one another through on-going peer support meetings.

How is the WVIDA program made possible?
The WVIDA program is made possible through a partnership between KISRA, the West Virginia Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program. The 3:1 savings match is funded by a grant from The Greater Kanawha Valley Foundation and from the DHHS Administration for Children and Families.

First Lady says "August is Girls Night Out Month"

The following article is a Monthly Message by West Virginia's First Lady Gayle C. Manchin, published on HuntingtonNews.net. The First Lady shares the YWCA of Charleston's passion for making each home in our community a safe place free from domestic violence. We thank her for her voluntary post on this issue and on our Girls Night Out event this coming Thursday that benefits victims of domestic violence through the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program.

August is 'Girls' Night Out' Month

August, 8, 2009 (HNN) -- August is a month of reining in our last summer activities, thinking of our new beginnings--whether it be the opening of school, band and athletic practices, or fundraisers as fall quickly approaches. My mind goes to the ‘Girls’ Night Out’ event which has become an annual favorite, not only here in Charleston, but across the state and nationally.

The theme this year is Girls in pearls: the black and white bash on Thursday, August 13, 6-11 p.m. at the Sunrise Mansion. All of these similar events were designed to draw attention and awareness to debilitating effects of domestic violence and the essential need for women to know they can and should be able to turn to other women for resources, support, and maybe above all, unconditional friendship. The YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program offers 24/7 shelter and supportive services for victims of domestic violence.

Unfortunately domestic violence is a horrific problem that continues to plague West Virginia at alarming rates; therefore, the YWCA of Charleston has begun a discussion on ending the cycle of domestic violence in our state. The YWCA of Charleston believes that all people – women, men and children – have the right to live their lives free of violence, oppression, and intimidation. Our very nation was founded on this premise; however, domestic violence directly violates these rights and makes the home a place of terror instead of a place of peace.

In our most recent data, the West Virginia State Police Crime Statistics Report, noted 14,315 reported incidents of domestic violence. Of these, 10,530 of the victims were female and 3,518 were male, illuminating the fact that violence and abuse is not limited to one gender and certainly no one race. Domestic violence is defined as any of several acts between family or household members causing or placing another in jeopardy of physical harm; creating fear by harassment, psychological abuse or threatening acts; committing sexual assault or abuse; and confining or abducting another person against their will.

Yearly, YWCA representatives are joined by other domestic violence advocates from around our state for Domestic Violence Prevention Day at the state capitol in a continuing effort to educate lawmakers and the public about this ongoing appalling dilemma in our state.

Although these are all steps in the right direction, it takes more than government, law enforcement, and service providers like the YWCA to fully combat this issue. Women empowering women is one more way that we can be advocates and a voice for all who are intimidated into silence. It takes the entire community to look after our friends and neighbors and be positive role models to our children and students. It takes all of us in rising up as a community and saying “no more” to the cycle of violence.

I would invite all women who would like to join us in Charleston on August 13 to register online at http://www.ywcacharleston.org/ or contact Carol Carroll, Phone: 304-340-3573 or Email: ccarroll@ywcacharleston.org or check for events in your community----better yet-start one in your community to insure that we eliminate victims and engage advocates!

Ending the Cycle of Violence in West Virginia

The YWCA of Charleston, WV is proud to once again take part in the “A Better West Virginia Challenge” in celebration of West Virginia Day. In last year’s post, we discussed stereotypes in West Virginia and how our organization’s mission of eliminating racism was (and still is) and integral component to redefining these stereotypes of the Mountain State. This year, we want to discuss the issue of domestic violence – a horrific problem that continues to plague West Virginia at alarming rates. Our challenge is to identify an obstacle that hinders West Virginia; therefore, today the YWCA of Charleston is stepping up to start a discussion on ending the cycle of domestic violence in our state.

The YWCA of Charleston believes that all people – women, men and children – have the right to live their lives free of violence, oppression, and intimidation. Our very nation was founded on this premise. However, domestic violence directly violates these rights and makes the home a place of terror instead of a place of peace.

According to the West Virginia State Police Crime Statistics Report, there were 14,315 reported incidents of domestic violence in the state in 2006 (most recent data). Of these, 10,530 of the victims were female and 3,518 were male. The report noted 38 domestic violence homicides statewide that year – an average of one every 9.5 days. Our state’s judicial system defines domestic violence as any of several acts between family or household members, including: causing, attempting to cause, or placing another in reasonable apprehension of physical harm; creating fear of physical harm by harassment, psychological abuse or threatening acts; committing sexual assault or sexual abuse; and holding, confining, detaining or abducting another person against their will.

As a whole, the state of West Virginia is taking a step in the right direction to eliminating domestic violence and making our state a safe place beginning in the home. On April 2, YWCA representatives joined other domestic violence advocates for Domestic Violence Prevention Day at the state capitol to educate lawmakers and the public about this ongoing horrific problem in our state. They showed their support for House Bill 2739 which, among other things, calls for Emergency Protective Orders to be served faster. We are also encouraged by the Supreme Court of Appeals’ initiative to have a new statewide Domestic Violence Registry up and running by this fall, which will facilitate communication about domestic violence protection orders so law enforcement can always access up-to-date information about domestic violence cases.

Although these are steps in the right direction, it will take far more than government, law enforcement, and service providers like the YWCA to fully combat this issue. It takes the entire community to look after our friends and neighbors and be positive role models to our children and students. It was only a matter of weeks before our community fell back into complacency after a young woman was violently murdered by her boyfriend in broad daylight at a Charleston Taco Bell. Where is the outrage now, when domestic violence incidents continue to rise?

Working with statewide organizations like the West Virginia Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the YWCA of Charleston hopes to set an example to other domestic violence programs across the state through the YWCA Resolve Program by offering secure shelter and emergency services to all domestic violence victims regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, or socioeconomic status. Equally important are the classes we and other organizations provide to help male and female perpetrators end this cycle of violence by identifying abusive behaviors, recognizing the effects of violence on others, accepting responsibility for their behavior and developing healthier relationship skills. Our free counseling, victim support groups, court advocacy and monitored child visitation & exchange further move us toward our goal of breaking this horrendous cycle.

While these are important steps in our objective to eliminate domestic violence in our community and our state, far more work lies ahead. Most importantly, funding for domestic violence programs is critical and we thank the legislature and the governor for providing a supplemental appropriation of $1 million to fund these programs. Please join us in rising up as a community and saying “no more” to the cycle of violence.

Calling all girls with pearls!

The High Hopes committee wants your unwanted pearls to create a fabulous ensemble to auction off at this year’s Girls Night Out event: “Girls in Pearls: The Black & White Bash” to be held August 13 at the Sunrise Mansion offices of Farmer Cline & Campbell. Ladies – check your drawers and jewelry boxes for any pearls you no longer wear and donate them to create a beautiful and unique treasure for a great cause. That old set of pearls or single pearl earring in your drawer could help create a brighter future for a victim of domestic violence.

Scott Petit of Petit Jewelry Designs has graciously agreed to create a beautiful and absolutely one-of-a-kind pearl necklace with these donations to be showcased and auctioned off at the event. The finished piece, entitled “Hope,” will be a collective expression of the donors' commitment to provide hope to domestic violence victims. Depending on the quantities and types of pearls donated, Scott may create additional pieces to be auctioned.

Cultured or freshwater pearls of all shapes, colors and sizes – we’ll take them all! Also accepting donations of gold Add-a-Beads for accents. Drop your pearls off at Petit Jewelry Designs at 1012 ½ Bridge Road by Monday, July 13. (showroom hours are 10-5 Mon-Wed, 10-6 Thurs, and 10-4 Fri-Sat) All donations are 100% tax deductible and proceeds from benefit victims of domestic violence through the YWCA Resolve Program. A tax receipt will be given on the spot.

Online registration is now up for "Girls in Pearls!" Get your ticket today! Tickets are $75 through August 9 and $100 after August 9 and at the door.

West Virginia is Moving in the Right Direction

Thursday was Domestic Violence Prevention Day at the state capitol, and West Virginia is definitely moving in the right direction. YWCA representatives joined other advocates for victims of domestic violence to educate lawmakers and the public about the issue. They also showed their support for House Bill 2739 which, among other things, calls for Emergency Protective Orders to be served faster. See the WOWK-TV news story about this day at the legislature.

West Virginia has made another giant step toward ensuring officer safety and better enforcing domestic violence orders, when the Supreme Court of Appeals launched an initiative last week to facilitate communication about domestic violence protection orders to law enforcement. This new statewide Domestic Violence Registry is a tool to communicate the court’s actions on domestic violence cases to law enforcement. The registry will create a bridge between the courts and the police, so police are always able to access up-to-date information about domestic violence cases.

According to Mary Anderson, Court Coordinator at the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program:

"The domestic violence registry will ensure officer safety and
better enforcement of domestic violence orders. This will enhance victim safety.
When law enforcement officers answer domestic calls, being able to physically
see a copy of the protective order and know the history of why the order was
issued will better equip them to assess the scene. When law
enforcement have the ability to use this nationally, it will greatly aid
the enforcement of domestic violence petitions on a national level. Nine
counties within the state of West Virginia are up and running, with a target
date of the fall of 2009 for the rest of the state."

See an additional interview with Mary here.

Students learn about healthy dating relationships

A few weeks ago, Jackson Simpkins and Rebecca Ward stood before a classroom full of 9th -12th grade students at Sissonville High School. They asked the students to put all reservations aside and have an open and honest discussion about dating relationships. After introducing the subject by asking their audience how they liked to be treated on dates (to which one girl's response was "Like a princess!"), Jackson and Rebecca presented them with more challenging questions. How do you not want to be treated on a date? What types of behaviors are unacceptable from a dating partner? What makes a relationship healthy versus unhealthy? What is the definition of "abuse?" What are different types of abuse? Why don't people just leave if their partner is abusive? What should you do if you or someone you know is in an unsafe relationship?

Jackson and Rebecca are the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program's Teen Dating Violence Prevention Specialists. They present these workshops in middle and high schools across the region numerous times each month as a way to reach out to tweens and teens about healthy dating relationships. Though interactive discussions, role play, stories and "what if" questions, they engage students to discuss the tough issue of teen dating violence. They even discuss how to keep yourself safe in an era of new technologies and confront gender stereotypes.

These workshops are so important in light of the recent high-profile domestic violence incident, in which R&B singer Chris Brown was charged with two felonies alleging he punched, bit, and choked his singer/star girlfriend Rihanna until she almost became unconscious. These young stars serve as role models to our young generations, so these conversations are critical.

Through funding from Verizon, the YWCA of Charleston has built a teen dating curriculum that is serving as a model for domestic violence programs statewide. The booklet our specialists distribute to each and every student they meet addresses national and statewide domestic violence statistics, myths vs. facts about dating violence, and warning signs of unhealthy relationships. Download the booklet today and share it with the tweens and teens in your life.

If you would like for Jackson and Rebecca to facilitate a workshop at your school, church, or community organization, please call (304) 342-6552.

Celebrating Solutions

When working to eliminate domestic violence in our community, partnership and collaboration is key. From law enforcement and judicial branches, to schools, churches, and domestic violence advocates, a coordinated effort is vital to prevent domestic violence and to keep victims safe.

Today, such a partnership was recognized for its outstanding work: the West Virginia's Legal Assistance to Victims (LAV) Partnership. This is an innovative statewide collaboration between the West Virginia Coalition Against Domestic Violence (of which the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program is a licensed program) and Legal Aid of West Virginia.

This afternoon at the Governor's Mansion, First Lady Gayle Manchin welcomed members of the Mary Byron Foundation in presenting the LAV partnership with the "Celebrating Solutions" Award. This national award showcases and applauds local innovations that demonstrate great hope in breaking the cycle of violence. Each year, the Mary Byron Foundation selects programs that serve as models for the nation and offers $10,000 cash awards in recognition of their pioneering efforts. The LAV partnership was one of only four recipients nationwide - great honor and testament to the work being done to eliminate domestic violence in our state.

The most moving part of the presentation was the personal testimony of Star Hogan - a domestic violence survivor who received help through the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program and Legal Aid of West Virginia. With the help of a YWCA court advocate, Star received legal counsel, representation, and individual and group counseling. Her Legal Aid attorney helped her understand her rights as a victim and helped her through child support and custody issues. Star and her two children all received free individual, group and family counseling through YWCA Resolve. Today, her life is free of violence.

Thanks to Mary Byron Foundation and First Lady Gayle Manchin, today we celebrated the innovative solutions that continue to provide all citizens with the right to be free from violence. I will end this post with Star Hogan's poignant closing statement - a quote from British author Albert Pine: “What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.”

(pictured above: First Lady Gayle Manchin and Star Hogan)

An hour in their shoes

Yesterday morning, the Appalachian Power Park baseball field was transformed into a field of remembrance for domestic violence victims. Inmates at the Charleston Work Release Center came up with a creative idea for raising awareness about National Domestic Violence Awareness Month: placing a pair of shoes for each domestic violence victim assisted by the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program in Kanawha County last year.

The result was a powerful visual image of 912 pairs of shoes neatly lined up in rows across the baseball field. This awareness event, entitled "An Hour in their Shoes," attempted to put into perspective the prevalence of domestic violence in Kanawha County alone. Inmates from the center also reserved a special place for five particular pairs of shoes, representing the five domestic violence-related deaths that occurred in our county last year.

We at the YWCA, along with the Charleston Work Release Center, wish to thank the Appalachian Power Park for use of their field, as well as area thrift stores - including YWCA Past & Present and Goodwill - that generously donated all 912 pairs of shoes. More importantly, we thank Pam Baldwin and the inmates at the center for their initiative to raise awareness on this critical problem in our community.

Sharing survivor stories

Krista Fink is a domestic violence survivor, author, mother, devoted wife and YWCA Board Member. In the last year, Krista has bravely shared her story of survival and recovery from domestic violence with thousands of women through news articles, public appearances (like Girls Night Out) and her book, "Silent No More."

Now Krista is offering an opportunity for other survivors to share their stories. To have a voice. To speak out and be Silent No More. In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Krista lauched a blog for domestic violence survivors -- Silent No More. It's an opportunity for victims to share their stories -- even anonymously -- and allow their voices to be heard.

Since joining the YWCA's Board of Directors, Krista has been a staunch advocate for empowering women. She now runs a victims support group and became a member of the Public Advisory Awareness committee for the WV Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Her resilience and dedication have inspired other domestic violence victims and given them hope. Hope for a different future. That's why Krista was presented with the Hope Award by YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program during the vigil last week.

For all that you do to help domestic violence victims, thank you, Krista.

Silent No More

Tomorrow marks the first day of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. To symbolize that we are united to end domestic violence in our community, YWCA staff members and other domestic violence advocates will join police officers, public officials, legal professionals, religious leaders, healthcare workers, neighbors and friends on Thursday in a silent protest against domestic violence.

Organized by the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program, this demonstration along Kanawha Boulevard will urge the Charleston community to take a stand against this horrific and incresingly prevelant societal problem. In past years in West Virginia, domestic violence related homicides occured at an average rate of once every two weeks. In 2006 and 2007, this statistic skyrocketed to once every 8 days.

We must join together – men and women – to address the causes of domestic violence and raise our collective voices to create a community that no longer tolerates the use of violence in relationships. We are all stakeholders and advocates in the fight for peace and safety in our homes and neighborhoods.

The “Silent No More” demonstration will be held on Thursday, October 2 from 5:00 – 6:00 pm along Kanawha Boulevard between Leon Sullivan Way and Morris Street. A vigil and reception will follow from 6:30 – 8:00 pm at the YWCA on Quarrier Street. The vigil will include remarks from community leaders, testimonials from domestic violence survivors, inspirational songs and a keynote address from West Virginia Secretary of State Betty Ireland.

The purpose of the evening is to:

1. Stand in protest against the devastation of domestic violence
2. Remember those whose lives were tragically lost as a result
3. Raise awareness about the prevalence of domestic violence in our community and our state
4. Celebrate survivors and the hundreds of individuals and organizations that helped them through their struggle.

We invite you to both participate in the silent protest and attend the vigil.

There are many ways to let your voice be heard. Take a stand against domestic violence.

Another domestic violence homicide...what will it take?

Tuesday night, 28-year-old Starlena Pratt of South Charleston died one month after suffering severe burns over the majority of her body. While this tragic news alone is enough to evoke feelings of grief from people who never knew Starlena or her family, the horrific story of her murder should appall all who hear. But has it?

Reports state that on August 3rd, Starlena's boyfriend Farley Allen Rhodes doused her in a flamable liquid and set her on fire in their South Charleston apartment, after Starlena had entered their home and told Rhodes she was going to leave him. While Starlena desperately clung to her life in Cabell Huntington Hospital, police arrested Rhodes and charged him with one count of arson causing serious bodily injury and two counts of first-degree arson. Media downplayed the issue – covering the story almost three days after the incident but still only mentioning that “a woman was burned in a house fire in South Charleston.”

This grisly murder comes on the heels of another equally horrific domestic violence homicide only two months ago, when Nalisha Gravely was shot and killed by her ex-boyfriend at the West Side Taco Bell. While our community was outraged over that atrocity, our vigor seems to have waned. Did anyone else find it shocking that Starlena's death did not even make the front page of yesterday's newspaper...while news about Tri-State Racetrack & Gaming hiring new employees did?

This is a sad reflection of our community – and of our society in general – which seems to have fallen back into complacency about the real problem of domestic violence in our own backyards. Rev. Matthew Watts, pastor of Grace Bible Church in Charleston and respected community leader, described the trend of domestic violence in our community as "pandemic". The only way we can reverse this pandemic is if every member of this community stands together and takes responsibility for eliminating domestic violence. How many murders will we read about but still look the other way? What will it take to get our community outraged about this young woman's death?

We applaud organizations like West Virginia Radio Corporation, who understand the gravity of this tragedy and took the initiative to host a Circle of Hope fundraiser yesterday afternoon for Starlena's family, raising more than $3,000. Through the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program, we will continue to do our part in the grand scheme of eliminating domestic violence in our community as well.

We will continue to provide a 24-hour crisis line, where advocates can help victims who are trying to leave their abusers plan safe escapes – as leaving can be the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. We will continue to give presentations to more than 3,000 middle and high school students each year on the warning signs of teen dating violence and on the dangers of relationships dominated by jealousy, power, violence and control. We will continue to provide free shelter, support, counseling and court advocacy to victims of domestic violence.

What will you do?

A true testament of empowerment

"He started hitting her just a few months into their marriage, while she was pregnant with their only child. Cyndi Birthisel, 47, stayed with her now ex-husband for 23 years, largely because she thought her son deserved a mother and a father and a steady income. In retrospect, she wishes she'd found the courage to leave sooner."

Read the rest of the Gazette's feature story on how Cyndi moved beyond an abusive relationship and regained her confidence, strength and happiness.

For over a year now, Cyndi has attended the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program's weekly support groups, where she's made some close friends and helped other domestic violence victims regain control of their lives.

Cyndi will be the featured speaker at Girls Night Out - "Hollywood on the Hill" tonight from 6-11 at the Sunrise Mansion offices of Farmer Cline & Campbell. This event benefits Hope House, the YWCA Resolve shelter for domestic violence victims and their children. Tickets are still available for $100 at the door, online or by calling (304) 340-3573.

Teen/tween dating violence - what every parent needs to know

CBS hosted a recent segment on The Early Show about “Teen Dating Danger – What every parent should know.” During this segment, they highlighted many shocking statistics from a recent study commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. and loveisrespect.org, the organization that operates the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. The results of the survey found:

• 69% of all teens who had sex by age 14 said they have gone through one or more types of abuse in a relationship.


• 40% of the youngest tweens (those between the ages of 11 and 12) report that their friends are victims of verbal abuse in relationships, and nearly one-in-ten (9%) say their friends have had sex.
  
• One-in-five between the ages of 13 and 14 say their friends are victims of dating violence, such as getting struck, hit or slapped by a boyfriend or girlfriend, and nearly half of all tweens in relationships say they know friends who are verbally abused.


• Only half of all tweens (51%) claim to know the warning signs of a bad/hurtful relationship.

The Early Show featured several different experts on the subject of teen dating violence, who emphasized that “programs are needed to help parents and their kids recognize unhealthy relationships, and to stop them before they start.”

And the YWCA is working to do just that.

Each year, YWCA Resolve’s Teen Dating Violence Prevention Specialists provide over 100 educational workshops to more than 3,000 students and teachers at middle and high schools in Kanawha, Clay and Boone Counties. During these workshops, students learn about healthy relationships, warning signs of abusive relationships, what to do if a friend is experiencing abuse, myths and facts about teen dating violence, and additional resources for students, teachers and parents alike.

And we’re not stopping just because schools are out for the summer! On Thursday, July 31, from 5-7pm, the YWCA Resolve Teen Dating Violence Prevention Program is hosting “Celebrate Respect” – A teen rally to promote healthy relationships. We’re inviting teens 12-18 to join us at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Community Center, located at 314 Donnally Street in downtown Charleston, for free food, door prizes, music, workshops, expression through art, and more! Click here for more information or to download the event flyer.

Extreme Makeover for domestic violence victim's family

On Sunday, ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition aired its 100th episode. While this 2-hour special was a milestone for the show, it meant something much deeper for the thousands if not millions of viewers who have witnessed the lives of friends or loved ones devastated by domestic violence.

The featured Minnesota Swenson-Lee family experienced unfathomable tragedy in the fall of 2006 when Vicki Swenson’s sister Teri Lee was brutally murdered by her ex-boyfriend, who broke into her home and fatally shot her while her 11-year-old daughter looked on and her three youngest children hid in nearby rooms. The Swenson family immediately adopted Teri’s four children, whose father had been killed in a car accident in 2001. This soon-to-be family of 10 instantaneously outgrew their 3-bedroom house, which is where the Extreme Makeover team stepped in and built them a beautiful house big enough to accommodate them all.

We truly admire Extreme Makeover’s ability to address the difficult but crucial issue of domestic violence, while bringing hope and inspiration to a grieving family. More importantly, we applaud Vicki Swenson for taking this tragedy and turning it into an opportunity to help protect women and children from becoming victims of domestic violence.

Vicki served as a key player in passing a state bill that requires a picture on all restraining orders – making it easier for victims to alert others what the offender looks like. She knew that her sister Teri did everything she could to protect herself and her family from her abusive ex-boyfriend, including obtaining a restraining order, alerting police, neighbors and teachers of the situation, and even installing a state-of-the-art alarm system.

The biggest tragedy, however, is that on average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in our country every day (Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief). While the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program works tirelessly each day to protect families in Kanawha, Clay and Boone counties from the horror of domestic violence, we applaud Extreme Makeover: Home Edition for their generosity and for the hope they inspire of re-building families and changing lives.

Read more about this episode and the Swenson-Lee family here.