Tragedy has struck the Charleston community once again. Nalisha Fiona Gravely, 20, died Saturday afternoon in a West Side Taco Bell after a man with whom she shared a child allegedly gunned her down.
A young life has ended because of senseless violence. And the Charleston community has a lot of questions with no easy answers.
Why did she stay?
How did a man who allegedly stabbed, shot and beat this woman in multiple incidents beat the court system to be freed each time?
Why is domestic violence accepted in some households and in our legal system?
How does our community work together to end the cycle of domestic violence in our community?
We don’t have easy answers. We don’t have simple answers. But we have information and statistics we can share with you.
“She” can be any woman who struggles with the internal demons of how to survive on her own and ensure the safety of her child(ren.) She stays because he has threatened to kill her, her children or other family members if she attempts to leave. She stays because he has verbally abused her for so many years that she doesn’t believe in herself and her ability to care for herself or her family. She stays because she has no financial resources to use for escape. On average, it takes a woman who is suffering from domestic violence five to seven attempts before she will leave her abuser for good. This doesn’t mean the four to six previous attempts are failures. It means that on the final time she had enough strength and support from facilities like the YWCA’s domestic violence shelter, Hope House, and was successful in her attempt.
The question is why was this abuser able to roam free? Well, that’s a question to ask professionals, elected officials and community leaders in our court system. The YWCA of Charleston works with 13 other agencies through the West Virginia Domestic Violence Coalition to educate those professionals and elected officials to the very real danger of domestic violence and the appropriate measures to take. One such measure is to be court-ordered to attend the YWCA’s Batterers Intervention and Prevention Program. This 32-week program helps the abuser learn to cope with his own emotions and how to deal with his stresses in a healthy manner and holds him accountable for his violent actions.
The greater Charleston community can respond to this horrific event in two ways: 1) continue to bury your head in the sand and pretend domestic violence doesn’t exist or 2) volunteer for, join and support agencies like the YWCA of Charleston, which works 365 days a year to end domestic violence.
The YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program offers 24/7 crisis intervention and shelter for victims of domestic violence in a Kanawha, Clay and Boone counties. The program’s mission is to eliminate domestic violence through leadership, education, empowerment and community collaboration. You can volunteer for this or any of the YWCA programs. You can also financially support the YWCA and its programs. One simple way to show your support for this YWCA program and to take a stance against domestic violence? Enjoy an fun evening out with your friends at Girls Night Out, which benefits the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program.
This isn’t a problem that will go away overnight. Our community must continue to address this ugly social injustice that crosses all socio-economic lines by continuing to ask for stronger laws for abusers; providing more resources for domestic violence victims; and refusing to accept this behavior in our society.
A young life has ended because of senseless violence. And the Charleston community has a lot of questions with no easy answers.
Why did she stay?
How did a man who allegedly stabbed, shot and beat this woman in multiple incidents beat the court system to be freed each time?
Why is domestic violence accepted in some households and in our legal system?
How does our community work together to end the cycle of domestic violence in our community?
We don’t have easy answers. We don’t have simple answers. But we have information and statistics we can share with you.
“She” can be any woman who struggles with the internal demons of how to survive on her own and ensure the safety of her child(ren.) She stays because he has threatened to kill her, her children or other family members if she attempts to leave. She stays because he has verbally abused her for so many years that she doesn’t believe in herself and her ability to care for herself or her family. She stays because she has no financial resources to use for escape. On average, it takes a woman who is suffering from domestic violence five to seven attempts before she will leave her abuser for good. This doesn’t mean the four to six previous attempts are failures. It means that on the final time she had enough strength and support from facilities like the YWCA’s domestic violence shelter, Hope House, and was successful in her attempt.
The question is why was this abuser able to roam free? Well, that’s a question to ask professionals, elected officials and community leaders in our court system. The YWCA of Charleston works with 13 other agencies through the West Virginia Domestic Violence Coalition to educate those professionals and elected officials to the very real danger of domestic violence and the appropriate measures to take. One such measure is to be court-ordered to attend the YWCA’s Batterers Intervention and Prevention Program. This 32-week program helps the abuser learn to cope with his own emotions and how to deal with his stresses in a healthy manner and holds him accountable for his violent actions.
The greater Charleston community can respond to this horrific event in two ways: 1) continue to bury your head in the sand and pretend domestic violence doesn’t exist or 2) volunteer for, join and support agencies like the YWCA of Charleston, which works 365 days a year to end domestic violence.
The YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program offers 24/7 crisis intervention and shelter for victims of domestic violence in a Kanawha, Clay and Boone counties. The program’s mission is to eliminate domestic violence through leadership, education, empowerment and community collaboration. You can volunteer for this or any of the YWCA programs. You can also financially support the YWCA and its programs. One simple way to show your support for this YWCA program and to take a stance against domestic violence? Enjoy an fun evening out with your friends at Girls Night Out, which benefits the YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program.
This isn’t a problem that will go away overnight. Our community must continue to address this ugly social injustice that crosses all socio-economic lines by continuing to ask for stronger laws for abusers; providing more resources for domestic violence victims; and refusing to accept this behavior in our society.
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5 comments:
Awful, just awful. Thank you for bringing this story (and providing a name and face) to light.
We agree Justin, which is why we do what we do 24/7-- 365. We offer a safe haven for women who find themselves in this situation with nowhere to go.
However, these young women cannot exist if those around her refuse to help her in any way they can to get OUT of this horrifying situation. Allowing a man to drag her in a vehicle without reporting it, seeing a woman running in from outside scared for her life and not calling 911 immediately, allowing this man to come over the counter and shoot her before they are called, are all things that show grave problems that MUST be reported. We are responsible for helping stop this violence.
this man was a horrible man...he was on charlestons most wanted list and then was arrested for wonton (sp?) endargement and brandishing...why was he out on the street....i know a little about this man and he was a menace to society....its a shame that a young life was taken before he was taken off the street for good (unless the police let him out AGAIN)
When you are this big in the chain the cops are scared of you i think that he was paying them off to get out of jail and for them not to show up you see this on tv all the time about dirty cops but i think we have them in our own back yard. For the everyday working man we dont have a chance they (police) pull us over and wright a us a ticket for no seatbelts and then we have to go to court and pay a big fine but if you get caught selling drugs they slap you on the wrist and tell you not to do it again although that was your third offence something is wrong with that picture. This man needs to rot in jail!!!!!
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