"The Choice" - Poem by a domestic violence victim's father

As National Domestic Violence Awareness Month draws to a close, we would like to illuminate an often overlooked aspect of domestic violence: the perspective of parents who see first hand the devastating effects domestic violence has on their children and grandchildren. The following is a personal testimony and poem submitted to the YWCA Resolve Program by Philip Jarrett - a caring father whose life has been changed by violence in his daughter's life.


Philip Jarrett: "My situation is shared by many. I have a daughter who is in an abusive relationship. I have five grandchildren watching their mother and father in violent, physical confrontations and learning that this is normal behavior for a man and a wife - that you're either the one giving the beating or you're the one getting beaten. I didn't know what to do. I really believed the best thing to do was to go along silently. Being a pacifist means I take violence out of my repertoire of reactions. It doesn't mean that I can't fight back in my own way. And the first step was naming what it was and what my daughter's abuser was aloud. I told him he was an abuser and a user."

"It's especially hard on a man in our culture of violence and vengeance under the guise of protection and love. I listen to people…men and women…on a bus talking about how they would beat up or kill someone over some minor offense to their worn out and unjustified pride. I watch movies that show victims of abuse learning to fight back, whicn can even end in the murder of their abuser. The wrongness and futility of using violence against violence both saddens and angers me."

"It has been difficult for me, as a man, to learn the only thing I can give my daughter, the best thing I can give her, is the choice to make her own decisions. So, as odd as it may seem, I am offering this poem for your use...or the use of any domestic violence group anywhere...in the hopes that other men who are faced with this nightmare I am living can be taught that violence from one man cannot be solved by violence from another."


the choice by Philip Jarrett

if i could catch you like a dark firefly
and hold you in my hand
prick my thumb with your mosquito’s tongue
till your eyes glowed bright again
then i would think my life completed
that i had finally done my part
and as my soul depleted
give my blood, not just my heart

but you are not an insect
to spare or slay with a swatter
and i am not so perfect
yet i claim you as my daughter
and life is not so gentle
and fate is never kind
and the price of love parental
is to give up love that’s blind

so i sit in stony silence
as befits a man who’s died
watch you suffer another’s violence
bear the bruises of false pride
i scream behind lips tightly stitched
burning bile has stole my voice
knowing you, alone, must come un-bewitched
and the best i have to offer you
is the choice

Copyright 2009 by Philip Jarrett

Flowers of appreciation

Tomorrow, (Tuesday, October 20) KIDS COUNT will honor West Virginia's 2,400 professional childcare providers by sponsoring a statewide "Take a Flower to Childcare Day." We encourage parents, young children and community leaders to show their appreciation for childcare providers by showering them with flowers of appreciation! Roses. Daisies. Carnations. Lillies. Real flowers. Silk flowers. Homemade paper flowers. Anything goes!

The goal of this celebration of our area childcare professionals is to raise awareness about the important role childcare providers play in the healthy development of young children, the stability of working families and the future of the state's economy. Researchers at Marshall University found that for every dollar West Virginia spends toward a high-quality early childhood development system, the state can expect a $5.20 return through higher academic achievement and future earning power and fewer juvenile delinquents and high school dropouts.

Take a Flower to Childcare Day is part of KIDS COUNT’s Kids First Communities Campaign, a statewide effort to build broad public support for new state dollars to improve childcare. In the Kanawah Valley, the YWCA Child Enrichment Center serves as the regional leader of the Kids First Communities campaign. If you don't have a childcare provider but simply wish to show your support, we would welcome your flower at the YWCA Child Enrichment Center at 201 Donnally Street in downtown Charleston. Join us in recognizing the importance of early childhood development and showing childcare providers how much we appreciate them!

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

As our president so poignantly stated in his official proclamation last week, October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month - a month to recommit ourselves to ending violence within our homes, our communities, and our country. An excerpt of his proclamation can be read below:

"Domestic violence touches the lives of Americans of all ages, leaving a devastating impact on women, men, and children of every background and circumstance. A family's home becomes a place of fear, hopelessness, and desperation when a woman is battered by her partner, a child witnesses the abuse of a loved one, or a senior is victimized by family members. Since the 1994 passage of the landmark Violence Against Women Act, championed by then Senator Joe Biden, our Nation has strengthened its response to this crime and increased services for victims. Still, far too many women and families in this country and around the world are affected by domestic violence. During National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we recommit ourselves to ending violence within our homes, our communities, and our country."

"During this month, we rededicate ourselves to breaking the cycle of violence. By providing young people with education about healthy relationships, and by changing attitudes that support violence, we recognize that domestic violence can be prevented. We must build the capacity of our Nation's victim service providers to reach and serve those in need. We urge community leaders to raise awareness and bring attention to this quiet crisis. And across America, we encourage victims and their families to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. Together, we must ensure that, in America, no victim of domestic violence ever struggles alone."

The YWCA of Charleston echos President Obama's sentiments and encourages you to get involved and show your support of Domestic Violence Awareness Month in and around the greater Kanawha Valley. Our October calendar highlights domestic violence awareness activities occurring in our area throughout the month. We also encourage you to participate in the West Virginia Coalition Against Domestic Violence's (WVCADV) “Light In the Window” public awareness campaign and display a purple candle in your window this month to show support for survivors of domestic violence. Purple electric candles can be obtained by calling the YWCA Resolve Program at (304) 340-3573 or the WVCADV at (304) 965-3552.

With Domestic Violence Awareness Month in mind, please consider that:

• A domestic violence homicide occurs once every 8 days in West Virginia.
• Domestic violence is the single greatest cause of injury to women in the United States – more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
• Homicide is the leading cause of death for pregnant women in the United States.
• 1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused during her lifetime.
• 40% of teen girls ages 14-17 know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
• Domestic violence costs the U.S. economy $3 to $5 billion annually in job absenteeism, and another $100 million annually in medical expenses.
• Gay and bisexual men experience abuse in intimate partner relationships at a rate of 2 in 5 – comparable to the amount experienced by heterosexual women.
• Approximately 50% of the lesbian population has experienced or will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes.
• While 73% of domestic violence victims are female, domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender.

Be more than aware. Help us end domestic violence in our homes, our communities and our country.